Gary Chapman is an experienced marriage councellor. According to him it is important todiscoverb your and your parter’s primary Love Language. No point speaking French if he speaks German! We are all multi lingual in matters of the heart and can speak a little of all 5 languages but we all have our prefered mother tongue.!!
What is yours?Is it
- quality time
- words of affirmations
- receiving gifts
- acts of services
- physical touch
This may not sound like a big deal, but considering the divorce rate is 50% (as one relationship instance), and so many seem to be unhappy with their primary relationships, the concept of love languages may very well be a signficant factor in understanding self and others, and in relationship growth. Perhaps relationships get rocky or arrive at an impasse because individuals are speaking a different love language than what fills up the “love tank” of the object of their affection…and a result, the recipient doesn’t feel loved. It’s not that they feel empty and unfufilled because love isn’t being given, but because the language “spoken” is not something that registers to the recipient as a form of love.
Chapman further theorizes that we usually have 2 main love languages that fill up our tank. He also says that if a person has a hard time identifying their main love languages, they’ve either been on empty for so long and are out of touch with their needs, or they have been so filled up by their spouse, that all 5 languages tend to speak to them equally.
A story in the book that illustrates the love tank theory is the “burnt toast syndrome”. A woman was sick in bed. Her husband would always bring her burnt toast to her when she was ailing. She was so hurt and offended by this repeated insensitivity and ignorance, that she finally burst into tears one day, and asked him why he did that…and didn’t he care? She was floored to hear him say “I’m sorry honey. I had no idea. Burnt toast is my favorite, and I gave you what I would consider my favorite breakfast…burnt toast.”
Chapman writes: “When your spouse’s emotional love tank is full and he feels secure in your love, the whole world looks right and your spouse will move out to reach his highest potential in life. But when the love tank is empty and he feels used but not loved, the whole world looks dark and he will likely never reach his potential for good in the world.”
I recommend this book highly. This is a great gift book for those going into relationships, those suffering from a recent relationship ending, as well as those who are in a present relationship. It’s for women and men equally. Read it and find out what language you speak and therefore desire. You’ll probably realize why roses aren’t always the answer!
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